" THE TICKET OFFICE"

( A woman looking around in amazement bumps into a ticket collector)

[WOMAN] Oh sorry. Hey! Is this really heaven??

[Ticket Collector] No madam, not quite. This is the ticket office

[WOMAN] Ticket office! I didn't know you needed a ticket to get into heaven. Although I guess it makes sense. We don't want just anybody getting in do we!

[T.C.] No madam, no we don't

[WOMAN] Well, I'll have an adult sing please - don't think I'll be needing a return (Laughs to herself)

[T.C.] I'm sorry madam, but I don't sell tickets. I just check that your ticket is in order, and if so, will let you through

[WOMAN] Where do I get one then?

[T.C.] All tickets must be aquired on earth madam.

[WOMAN] Well that's a bit difficult, I can't really go back now can I?

[T.C.] No maam, no you can't. But maybe you've got one on you somewhere

[WOMAN] Well I don't know that I do (Finding ticket) Ah! Here you go!

[T.C.] This ticket is to certify that the bearer has led a good life, loved her children, was faithful to her husband, and was always kind and courteous

[WOMAN] Except with my neighbours, they used to annoy me a bit, you've never met such pompous, ill mannered...

[T.C.] Yes maam, but I'm afraid this ticket isn't valid.

[WOMAN] Isn't valid? What do you mean?? It's got all the right things on it!!

[T.C.] Maam, this ticket isn't valid, perhaps you have another one on you somewhere.

[WOMAN] Yes! Here you go, this must be the right one!

[T.C.] This is to certify that the bearer is of sound mind and body, was selfless in charity work, hospitable, went to church every Sunday

[WOMAN] Sometimes twice!

[T.C.] And gave generously to the work of God - and in short is pretty terrific.

[WOMAN] That just about sums me up!

[T.C.] And her modesty is second to none.

[T.C.] Maam, I'm sorry but this ticket isn't valide either

[WOMAN] Isn't valid? Well I don't think I have another one

[T.C.] Then I'm afraid I can't let you in

[WOMAN] Surely you could sell me one, you must have some lying around somewhere

[T.C.] Maam I told you, I don't sell tickets. Besides, they're given away

[WOMAN] Given away! Did you say given away! Then why didn't I get one?

[T.C.] Probably because you didn't ask for one.

(A man comes past)

[T.C.] Ticket p l e a s e. Thank you sir, that's all in order, please go in

[WOMAN] Hey!!! How come you let that man in???
I know - it's sex discrimination, that's what it is!

[T.C.] No maam! He gave me the right ticket

[WOMAN] (Snatching ticket) Let me see that!

This is to certify that the bearer of this ticket has a vital loving relationship with Jesus Christ and has made this experience the most important thing in everything she/he is and does

[T.C.] (Taking the ticket back)
You don't happen to have a ticket like that, do you maam

[WOMAN] No, N o, I don't

[T.C.] Then I'm afraid I can't let you in

[WOMAN] Look surely you could sneak me in a side entrance or something - I'd make it worth your while

[T.C.] I'm sorry maam, but there is only one entrance. Perhaps you better try downstairs..

Woman looks shocked, freezes,
ticket collector turns to YOU with hand Out . . . . . .