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The Journey began in a pre-pubescent body, fearful of becoming a woman, wanting to have something to control and also never wanting to be "fat". No thoughts of joyfully growing up entered my mind. Fear consumed me; fear of failure, being fat, being hurt again. The only solution in a mixed up mind was to just stay tiny, control the numbers on the scale, hide inside the shelter of my disorder.
As incomprehensible as it seems to those without disorders in the eating realm, I embraced the disorder, considered it my "friend" the one constant in my ever changing unsafe world. Nobody could take that away, nobody could comfort me the way the consistency of my disorder could. No person in my world even seemed to notice, perhaps they did not want to see, perhaps they all thought someone else was on top of it. All I know is that as a 13 year old girl, I had no person to tell me to stop. No person to show me another way. That is why this page is here. I want to open my heart and open my arms to any who struggle. I want to empower you to stand secure in who you are not "what you weigh". I am here to show you what this has cost me. The story is not easy, the road is long...and I pray you will learn something from the words.
DISCLAIMER: This page is written by an RN, but I am not writing to give medical advice. I am writing to guide you to the help that is available to you, to help you understand and help others if you are not the one with a disorder. Do not read my story if you are in recovery and think it may trigger you. Please use the words here to help yourself and others, not to sink deeper into non-therapeutic behaviors, God's peace and mercy to all who are troubled here. Kimberley/RN2foster
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