Kubes' Helpmeet Haven

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Sharing my Thoughts

Respect and a Clean Home

Nurturing Our Marriages

Helping Women with Backslidden Husbands

What does God's Perfect Word
say about wives?

Respect and a Clean Home

The way we keep our home speaks volumes to men in the area of respect.
Our husbands work hard all day, every day.
He spends hours and hours making tough decisions, dealing with difficult people, and so forth.
When he comes home, he wants a calm, clean haven to return to.
He spends the day in chaos at work and longs to come home to the opposite.
When our homes aren't clean, their desire to come home can lessen.
They sometimes don't mind working longer hours just so they don't have to come home to a mess
(not to mention to come home to a wife whining about her bad day).
And the way we take care of or don't take care of our home
reflects how we respect him in providing those homes for us.
It like giving a child a gift for his birthday or something
and then later finding it laying on the floor, not being cared for.
Our husbands can easily feel that way.
He works hard to provide and a messy or unkept house
shows that we really don't appreciate or respect those things...
which really says we aren't appreciating or respecting him.
I was thrilled when the Lord revealed this to me.
I have learned that a clean home also effects our marriage relationship in a very positive way.
When he feels loved, respected, and appreciated
he is more likely to feel that way towards me.
Praise the Lord I can be a helper to my husband
and show him love and respect by being a keeper of my home.

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Nurturing Our Marriages

Some make an extra effort to pamper and show their love to their spouses
on Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc...
but sometimes we get caught up in every day life
and neglect to do what we can the other days of the year.
The Bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil,
like a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." ~ 1 Peter 5:8
He is constantly doing what he can to create wedges in our marriages.
He despises marriage because they are pictures of Christ and His bride.
We need take that seriously and be ever watchful.
We also need to be as active in building our marriage
as Satan is in tearing it down.
I challenge us all to be pro-active every month, every week, every day, every moment...
to diligently build and nurture our marriages.
Below are some suggestions:

Pray faithfully for our marriages, our husbands, and our own selves.

~ Keep a prayer journal
Let it serve as a book of prayers that you pray out to God.
Don't spend this time discussing hubby's flaws, but our own instead.
Asking the Lord to help us grow, to help us love darling hubby even more,
to help us be the servant and helpmeet that He would have us to be, asking Him to change our own hearts.
It is a great alternative to calling friends or even family.

~ Be faithful in your quiet time with the Lord.
Morning is the best time for this. It makes a difference beginning your day
with a lesson from the Lord and an eternal perspective.

~ Have quiet time with hubby.
This may mean that you need to get up a lot earlier than you'd like.
DO IT. It is well worth it. And let's never assume he is not interested.
Prayerfully approach him and ask him if he would be willing to read the Bible together.
Volunteer to be the one to read aloud if you need to.
If he says no, then okay, but at least you can try.

Hubby needs to be our next best friend, aside from Jesus Christ.
Talk with him. Express to him how you feel (not with tears), how you think,
what your goals and dreams are, what you love about him, etc...
We HAVE to find a way to communicate, even when we don't feel like it.
We need to MAKE ourselves communicate. We can't wait for hubby to initiate.
That is the sin of selfishness and pride.

~ Read marriage books together.
Again, don't assume he's not interested and, again, volunteer to read to him.
I highly recommend this. It's the closest thing to having a marriage counselor right there helping you.
There are many wonderful books out there. One book I recommend is called
Have a Heavenly Marriage by David Sorenson (about $7).
We have found that the perfect place, for us, to read our marriage books together
is right after climbing into bed at night. There are no interuptions and there is a different kind of closeness.
Also, to read alone, a great book is " How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat (about $3).

~ Continue to grow yourself.
Do all that you can to allow God to change what He wants to in you.
Ask Him for a teachable spirit and a humble heart.
Purpose in your heart to find the areas that you need to be changed in.
I would like to HIGHLY recommend a sermon that I feel ALL wives and potential wives should listen to.
A very powerful message called How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage by S.M. Davis.
The cost is $6.50 and WELL worth the buy!

~ Do 'little' things for hubby.
Cook his favorite meal, make sure the house is clean, write him little love notes
and put them in different places (his pillow, lunchbox, mirror, car, etc...),
buy his brand of something that he likes (ex... Charmin, Heinz, Post Raisin Bran, and so forth),
put his laundry away, learn to like his hobby, make sure the children are properly disciplined throughout the day,
make Daddy coming home a big deal (He is, after all, the king of his castle... make him feel that way).
There are SO many things we can do. When you think of them... DO them. Ask other wives for creative ideas.

~ 'Flirt' with hubby.
Keep a playfulness in your marriage. Make 'eyes' at him from across a room, give him that 'flirty' smile and look.
Go out of your way to hold his hand, rest your hand on his leg, play 'footsie' under the table, etc...
Make him know and feel that you love him and desire him.

~ Have date nights.
Find another family with children and swap babysitting nights. You don't have to spend a lot of money.
Go get coffee together, watch the sunset as you talk to each other, take a stroll,
window shop at his favorite store (Bass Pro, Home Depot, etc...),
do his hobby with him (golf, hunt, fish, etc... with him). Again, be creative.
If you absolutely cannot get a babysitter, then put the kids to bed early
and have a picnic, coffee, or tea while sitting in your living room floor listening to classical music and chatting,
play a board or card game together, look at photos, color, build with legos, and so forth.
Anything to have fun and enjoy each others company. There ARE things we can do... lots of them.
We simply have to make the choice and purpose in our hearts to do them.

Marriage is not about selfishness, waiting for ourselves to be pleased and satisfied.
It's about making the other person happy, fulfilling his needs, whether he returns the 'favor' or not.
I challenge us to rise above ourselves and get an eternal perspective on our marriages.
Let's pour our hearts and souls into our hubbies and marriages and let's ACTIVELY fight off Satan
by making everyday a special day of heart-felt, passionate effort to
keep our marriages, not just surviving, but thriving!

~ Christina Kubik © February 2006

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How to Help a Woman with a Backslidden Husband

~ Pray fervently for her, her husband, and their situation

~ Pray WITH her

~ Encourage her with Scripture that God is Faithful, Loving and Sufficient

~ Recommend encouraging books for them to read or start a Bible study using one.
A few to suggest:
"How to Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat
"Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian
"When Women Walk Alone" by Cindi McMenamin

I would highly recommend the cd by Dr. S.M. Davis titled
"How a Wife can use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage".
He also carries other cds for wives.

~ Pray that other godly men would be bold in discipling other men

~ Encourage her to keep a prayer journal where she writes letters to God, her Heavenly Husband

~ Continue to be there for her, especially when she is discouraged

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What does God's Perfect Word
say about wives?

Genesis 2:20b-22&24

But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam,
and he slept: and he took one of his ribs,
and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man,
made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said,
This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife;
and they shall be one flesh.

Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife
findeth a good thing
and obtaineth favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 12:4

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband
but she that maketh ashamed
is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 19:14b

A prudent wife is from the Lord.

I Corinthians 7:39a

The wife is bound by the law
as long as her husband liveth;

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,
as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church;
and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything.

I Peter 3:1

In the same manner, ye wives,
be in subjection to your own husbands;
that, if any obey not the word,
they also may without the word
be won by the conversation (behavior) of the wives.

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands,
as it is fit in the Lord.

I Corinthians 7:4&5

The wife hath not power of her own body,
but the husband;
and likewise also
the husband hath not power of his own body,
but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time,
that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer;
and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not
for your incontincency
(lack of self-control).

I Corinthians 11:3

But I would have you know that
the head of every man is Christ;
and the head of the woman is the man;
and the head of Christ is God.

Proverbs 21:9

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,
than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Ephesians 5:33b

...and the wife, see that she reverence her husband.

Proverbs 27:15

A continual dropping in a very rainy day
and a contentious woman are alike.

Proverbs 21:19

It is better to dwell in the wilderness,
than with a contentious and angry woman.

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