It was early afternoon when little 4 year old Kimmy raced out her front door. Daddy was at work, or out drinking again. And her mom was on the living room couch, engrossed in "One Life to Live". She never even saw Kimmy leave the house.
It was a beautiful spring day. She wandered the streets of her neighborhood not knowing at all where she was going - no one really cared anyway.
Kimmy passed by a house where an old man was sitting in his front yard. He smiled and waved at her, and asked her to join him for some cookies and milk. Excited, she gladly accepted his invitation. She did not know who he was. It only mattered that he was being nice to her. When she would visit him, his wife would go out for a while, leaving Kimmy and the old man alone. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she should not keep going back to visit him. Yet, Kimmy never told anyone about her visits to the old man. Who would she tell anyway?
Kimmy came home one day, and found her parents out front. Her Mom was on the porch yelling, and her dad was standing by the car. There was another person in the passenger seat. Kimmy's heart stopped when she saw the suitcase in her daddy's hand. He was leaving them.
Even with her dad gone, life went on. Her mom went on welfare and they moved to a smaller house. Instead of sitting around watching soap operas all day, her mom started going out a lot. At first, Kimmy was left with her grandmother. Then her mom was leaving her with Uncle Bob, an 18 year old with long stringy hair. Next to Kimmy, he seemed like a giant at 7 feet tall. Sometimes he would try to hide it, but Kimmy could tell he was not happy with having to watch her so often. Kimmy spent the entire summer with her Uncle Bob. That was the year he was to leave for the service, and the year he molested her.
It was a beautiful spring day. She wandered the streets of her neighborhood not knowing at all where she was going - no one really cared anyway.
Kimmy passed by a house where an old man was sitting in his front yard. He smiled and waved at her, and asked her to join him for some cookies and milk. Excited, she gladly accepted his invitation. She did not know who he was. It only mattered that he was being nice to her. When she would visit him, his wife would go out for a while, leaving Kimmy and the old man alone. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she should not keep going back to visit him. Yet, Kimmy never told anyone about her visits to the old man. Who would she tell anyway?
Kimmy came home one day, and found her parents out front. Her Mom was on the porch yelling, and her dad was standing by the car. There was another person in the passenger seat. Kimmy's heart stopped when she saw the suitcase in her daddy's hand. He was leaving them.
Even with her dad gone, life went on. Her mom went on welfare and they moved to a smaller house. Instead of sitting around watching soap operas all day, her mom started going out a lot. At first, Kimmy was left with her grandmother. Then her mom was leaving her with Uncle Bob, an 18 year old with long stringy hair. Next to Kimmy, he seemed like a giant at 7 feet tall. Sometimes he would try to hide it, but Kimmy could tell he was not happy with having to watch her so often. Kimmy spent the entire summer with her Uncle Bob. That was the year he was to leave for the service, and the year he molested her.
The Lost Teen Years
One day Kimmy's mom came home accompanied by a strange man. Kimmy never met any of her mom's boyfriends. When her mom called Kimmy and her older brother into the living room, she discovered this was not just her boyfriend. "We're planning on getting married," her mom said. They were given the choice of staying there and being adopted by this man, or going to live with their dad. Kimmy felt she couldn't leave her mom. Her brother chose to live with their dad though. He and Kimmy's soon-to-be stepfather did not really like each other.
Years went by and Kimmy became a teenager. It was difficult adjusting to her stepfather. The years of coming and going as she pleased were over. Her stepfather was a strict military man who believed children should be seen and not heard, and he would not tolerate any defiance. Most of the time he frightened Kimmy. Kimmy still didn't have any friends at school. Oh, there were those she thought liked her, but they only wanted someone around to pick on, or to shoplift for them. Kimmy became whatever they wanted her to be, just to feel like she had friends and in order not to be alone.
Kimmy couldn't wait for summer vacations. Being at home was easier than dealing with her classmates at school. Beisdes, she wasn't much of a student anyway. Summer vacation was also a special time because it meant her older brother would come to visit for a few weeks. Even though they never really spent much time together before he moved away, he was very special to Kimmy. He was the only one who defended her when someone picked on her. Even when that someone was their own mother.
Kimmy was 12 years old, and what happened that summer would change her life. Her brother came to visit, as usual. They spent a lot of time together, talking, going for walks, playing games - just catching up, really. One day when Kimmy was in her room, there was a knock on her door. It was her brother. She thought he just wanted to talk. He wanted much more.
The abuse continued on a daily basis the 2 weeks he was there. Often he would walk into her room, or corner her down in the playroom. Ever trusting, Kimmy still went on walks with him. The woods in the back of her house provided the perfect cover for his advances. She knew it was wrong. She tried to tell him no, but one look in his eyes and she had to go along with what he wanted. Kimmy's attitude changed after that visit. She became very angry, and more withdrawn. When she returned to school the following year, she was repeatedly disciplined for her disruptive behavior. Her grades fell. At home, she spent much of her time punished.
There was nowhere for Kimmy to turn. Her parents would never believe her. There was only one person at school Kimmy felt comfortable enough with to confide in. She was one of her teachers. Mrs. Roberts listened closely to Kimmy's story. The older woman was very compassionate, but she explained to Kimmy that she had to go to the guidance office and tell them.
Mrs. Roberts called Kimmy's guidance counselor and told her what was going on at Kimmy's home. Then Kimmy had to face her counselor. "I'll have to call the principal," her counselor told her. Next thing Kimmy knew, the school principal called her house. He told Kimmy's mom he wanted to come see them, that it was a matter of utmost importance, regarding their daughter.
Confused, her mom hung up the phone and glared at Kimmy. "What did you do now?" she yelled. Kimmy didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. How could she look at the icy glare of her mother's, and tell her something so shameful? She just couldn't.
The meeting took only an hour, but it felt like forever as Kimmy waited outside. The principal was long gone when she was called back into the house to face her parents. Seated at the dining room table, opposite her stepfather, the interrogation began. It was obvious they didn't believe her. All they were interested in hearing was what exactly happened. Kimmy couldn't even say the words. At her age, she didn't even know what to call it. The following week, her parents took her to the town's mental health clinic. They left her alone with a female therapist in hopes that she would talk. Kimmy remained silent. Nothing more was ever said about what happened. It was like it never even took place. The years slipped by quietly. Things remained pretty much as they were. Kimmy still had no real relationship with her parents. Oh, her mom ridiculed her once in a while, calling her names. But for the most part, Kimmy just functioned day to day - withdrawn, angry, and alone.
It was Kimmy's junior year in High school and she still had no friends. An average student, she just wasn't smart enough or pretty enough to fit in anywhere. A new girl came to Kimmy's school that year. Karen. She was in every one of Kimmy's classes.
There was something different about Karen. She seemed like such a happy person. She was always quick to smile, offer a kind word or lend a hand to anyone who needed it. "All the things I'm not," Kimmy thought. "She's pleasant, pretty and smart".
Karen had no trouble making friends, but something drew her to Kimmy. Kimmy was grateful to have someone to talk to without being ridiculed. The two became inseperable.
One weekend, Karen invited Kimmy to church. "I don't know," said Kimmy. "I'm not sure I'd fit in at church." Karen just laughed. "Everyone fits in at church. Come on, Kimmy. It will be good for you".
Kimmy was sure every eye was on her as she took her place in the pew beside her friend. She sat quietly trying to make sense of what the pastor was saying. She knew there was a God out there somewhere. "He's just not for me," Kimmy thought. All the promises the pastor spoke of applied to others, not to Kimmy.
But Karen would not give in. Every week she asked Kimmy to church, and Kimmy would go, thinking it would be better than sitting at home. Karen even had her join her youth group.
After a few weeks of this, Karen convinced Kimmy to see about becoming a member of the church. So Kimmy called the pastor. She would meet with him the following week.
The meeting with the pastor was brief. He explained a few things to her about the church and how she would have to be baptised. "Would you like to pray now, Kimmy?" the pastor asked, "I wouldn't know what to say," Kimmy answered. The pastor led her in a prayer, and the following week, in front of the congregation, Kimmy was baptised.
So now Kimmy belonged to a church, but what did that mean? She didn't feel any different. Her family still paid little attention to her, and Karen was pretty much her only friend.
High School graduation came and went. Kimmy and Karen went their seperate ways. Karen went off to college. At her stepfather's urging, Kimmy went into the military. Just 5 weeks into basic training, 1 week before graduation, the Air Force kicked her out.
Kimmy went back home, but there was hardly any home to go back to. Her stepfather saw her as a failure and didn't feel he should continue supporting a 20 year old. So Kimmy moved away, deciding to give college a try.
Kimmy decided to to go to a bible college, thinking religious people were a little more accepting. But the school decided that, due to all her problems, Kimmy should not stay in the dorms. She would have to rent a room off campus.
Kimmy found a room not far from the college, then started her classes. She hated being in a new enviroment. Hardly anyone would talk to her, the classes were long and the professors were dull. She just had a feeling she was trying to be something she wasn't. Whent the day was over, she returned to her rented room, with nothing but text books and four walls for company.
One day as she was walking home from school, Kimmy passed a liquor store. She stopped and looked in the window. She only hesitated a moment before deciding to go in and buy a bottle. Two hours later, Kimmy was comfortably numb.
Kimmy made a habit of stopping by the store a couple of times a week. It gave her a means of coping with the pressure of school and the constant loneliness she felt.
What was no problem for Kimmy was a problem for everyone else. In the same day her landlord kicked her out and the college dean expelled her from school.
Kimmy moved from placed to place, sleeping where ever she could, which sometimes meant her car. She met a woman who was looking for a roommate, so Kimmy moved in. She gave Kimmy a job, and then introduced her to the club scene. Bars, booze and men became Kimmy's life. She even got engaged once, believing she finally found someone that cared for her, but that fell apart too. It seemed wheneve men grew tired of her, they would dump her like yesterday's garbage. Kimmy had all she could take. Within the year, she made two attempts on her life.
After a few weeks in a mental hospital, Kimmy was released to her parents. They watched her closely. She even had a curfew, but to Kimmy, they still didn't act like they cared.
The move, however, seemed like a blessing in disguise. Kimmy enrolled in business. Even as she heard the murmuring of her stepfather, that she would fail at this too, Kimmy graduated at the top of her class. The school even offered her a job. No longer drinking, with a good job, her future finally looked bright.
It wasn't long before her stepfather insisted that she find her own place to live. "At 23 you should be on your own, not be supported by your parents," he said. Kimmy talked to a few of her coworkers and found one with a room to rent. Kimmy was on the move again.
Years went by and Kimmy became a teenager. It was difficult adjusting to her stepfather. The years of coming and going as she pleased were over. Her stepfather was a strict military man who believed children should be seen and not heard, and he would not tolerate any defiance. Most of the time he frightened Kimmy. Kimmy still didn't have any friends at school. Oh, there were those she thought liked her, but they only wanted someone around to pick on, or to shoplift for them. Kimmy became whatever they wanted her to be, just to feel like she had friends and in order not to be alone.
Kimmy couldn't wait for summer vacations. Being at home was easier than dealing with her classmates at school. Beisdes, she wasn't much of a student anyway. Summer vacation was also a special time because it meant her older brother would come to visit for a few weeks. Even though they never really spent much time together before he moved away, he was very special to Kimmy. He was the only one who defended her when someone picked on her. Even when that someone was their own mother.
Kimmy was 12 years old, and what happened that summer would change her life. Her brother came to visit, as usual. They spent a lot of time together, talking, going for walks, playing games - just catching up, really. One day when Kimmy was in her room, there was a knock on her door. It was her brother. She thought he just wanted to talk. He wanted much more.
The abuse continued on a daily basis the 2 weeks he was there. Often he would walk into her room, or corner her down in the playroom. Ever trusting, Kimmy still went on walks with him. The woods in the back of her house provided the perfect cover for his advances. She knew it was wrong. She tried to tell him no, but one look in his eyes and she had to go along with what he wanted. Kimmy's attitude changed after that visit. She became very angry, and more withdrawn. When she returned to school the following year, she was repeatedly disciplined for her disruptive behavior. Her grades fell. At home, she spent much of her time punished.
There was nowhere for Kimmy to turn. Her parents would never believe her. There was only one person at school Kimmy felt comfortable enough with to confide in. She was one of her teachers. Mrs. Roberts listened closely to Kimmy's story. The older woman was very compassionate, but she explained to Kimmy that she had to go to the guidance office and tell them.
Mrs. Roberts called Kimmy's guidance counselor and told her what was going on at Kimmy's home. Then Kimmy had to face her counselor. "I'll have to call the principal," her counselor told her. Next thing Kimmy knew, the school principal called her house. He told Kimmy's mom he wanted to come see them, that it was a matter of utmost importance, regarding their daughter.
Confused, her mom hung up the phone and glared at Kimmy. "What did you do now?" she yelled. Kimmy didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. How could she look at the icy glare of her mother's, and tell her something so shameful? She just couldn't.
The meeting took only an hour, but it felt like forever as Kimmy waited outside. The principal was long gone when she was called back into the house to face her parents. Seated at the dining room table, opposite her stepfather, the interrogation began. It was obvious they didn't believe her. All they were interested in hearing was what exactly happened. Kimmy couldn't even say the words. At her age, she didn't even know what to call it. The following week, her parents took her to the town's mental health clinic. They left her alone with a female therapist in hopes that she would talk. Kimmy remained silent. Nothing more was ever said about what happened. It was like it never even took place. The years slipped by quietly. Things remained pretty much as they were. Kimmy still had no real relationship with her parents. Oh, her mom ridiculed her once in a while, calling her names. But for the most part, Kimmy just functioned day to day - withdrawn, angry, and alone.
It was Kimmy's junior year in High school and she still had no friends. An average student, she just wasn't smart enough or pretty enough to fit in anywhere. A new girl came to Kimmy's school that year. Karen. She was in every one of Kimmy's classes.
There was something different about Karen. She seemed like such a happy person. She was always quick to smile, offer a kind word or lend a hand to anyone who needed it. "All the things I'm not," Kimmy thought. "She's pleasant, pretty and smart".
Karen had no trouble making friends, but something drew her to Kimmy. Kimmy was grateful to have someone to talk to without being ridiculed. The two became inseperable.
One weekend, Karen invited Kimmy to church. "I don't know," said Kimmy. "I'm not sure I'd fit in at church." Karen just laughed. "Everyone fits in at church. Come on, Kimmy. It will be good for you".
Kimmy was sure every eye was on her as she took her place in the pew beside her friend. She sat quietly trying to make sense of what the pastor was saying. She knew there was a God out there somewhere. "He's just not for me," Kimmy thought. All the promises the pastor spoke of applied to others, not to Kimmy.
But Karen would not give in. Every week she asked Kimmy to church, and Kimmy would go, thinking it would be better than sitting at home. Karen even had her join her youth group.
After a few weeks of this, Karen convinced Kimmy to see about becoming a member of the church. So Kimmy called the pastor. She would meet with him the following week.
The meeting with the pastor was brief. He explained a few things to her about the church and how she would have to be baptised. "Would you like to pray now, Kimmy?" the pastor asked, "I wouldn't know what to say," Kimmy answered. The pastor led her in a prayer, and the following week, in front of the congregation, Kimmy was baptised.
So now Kimmy belonged to a church, but what did that mean? She didn't feel any different. Her family still paid little attention to her, and Karen was pretty much her only friend.
High School graduation came and went. Kimmy and Karen went their seperate ways. Karen went off to college. At her stepfather's urging, Kimmy went into the military. Just 5 weeks into basic training, 1 week before graduation, the Air Force kicked her out.
Kimmy went back home, but there was hardly any home to go back to. Her stepfather saw her as a failure and didn't feel he should continue supporting a 20 year old. So Kimmy moved away, deciding to give college a try.
Kimmy decided to to go to a bible college, thinking religious people were a little more accepting. But the school decided that, due to all her problems, Kimmy should not stay in the dorms. She would have to rent a room off campus.
Kimmy found a room not far from the college, then started her classes. She hated being in a new enviroment. Hardly anyone would talk to her, the classes were long and the professors were dull. She just had a feeling she was trying to be something she wasn't. Whent the day was over, she returned to her rented room, with nothing but text books and four walls for company.
One day as she was walking home from school, Kimmy passed a liquor store. She stopped and looked in the window. She only hesitated a moment before deciding to go in and buy a bottle. Two hours later, Kimmy was comfortably numb.
Kimmy made a habit of stopping by the store a couple of times a week. It gave her a means of coping with the pressure of school and the constant loneliness she felt.
What was no problem for Kimmy was a problem for everyone else. In the same day her landlord kicked her out and the college dean expelled her from school.
Kimmy moved from placed to place, sleeping where ever she could, which sometimes meant her car. She met a woman who was looking for a roommate, so Kimmy moved in. She gave Kimmy a job, and then introduced her to the club scene. Bars, booze and men became Kimmy's life. She even got engaged once, believing she finally found someone that cared for her, but that fell apart too. It seemed wheneve men grew tired of her, they would dump her like yesterday's garbage. Kimmy had all she could take. Within the year, she made two attempts on her life.
After a few weeks in a mental hospital, Kimmy was released to her parents. They watched her closely. She even had a curfew, but to Kimmy, they still didn't act like they cared.
The move, however, seemed like a blessing in disguise. Kimmy enrolled in business. Even as she heard the murmuring of her stepfather, that she would fail at this too, Kimmy graduated at the top of her class. The school even offered her a job. No longer drinking, with a good job, her future finally looked bright.
It wasn't long before her stepfather insisted that she find her own place to live. "At 23 you should be on your own, not be supported by your parents," he said. Kimmy talked to a few of her coworkers and found one with a room to rent. Kimmy was on the move again.
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