Anonymous Testimony

Considering the sensitivity of the subject matter I wish to keep my identity anonymous. I am a male, age 29. And the testimony I am about to give is one that cannot be given publicly without running the risk of being labeled and shunned, even within the Christian Community. However, I feel it must be given in some way else the rocks would cry out. It wasn't too long ago it seems, that I was heavily involved in many immoral practices along with a lot of heavy drinking. So much that I never realized the depth I had gone into sin. A depth of which took me through the fires of a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I was involved with a woman at the time. She was a woman who I now see as someone who was just there for that sense of security in not wanting to be alone. It had the feel of what I thought was Love, yet I was blind to the fact that my feelings of Love were nothing more than self-willed and self seeking. We divulged much of our time in filth and the lusts of the flesh to feed our inhibitions. And she had 2 small children. I drank nearly 7 days a week, and ran around from club to bar every weekend in search for more exploits and excitement to satisfy my every whim. I have deep religious roots, but I had lost sight of it years before. And every once in awhile God would call back to my conscience in an attempt to pull me from the road I was heading down. Yet I would not heed to his plea's and warnings. And somehow, somewhere in the height of all of it, I molested her 7 year old Daughter and was caught in a very short period of time. Now I can sit here and tell you I was drunk, or pin blame on some other circumstances, but the fact is I should have never gotten myself to that point, or allowed myself to go to the lengths I was going, and the fault sits squarely on my shoulders. I knew better. I'm not from a poor uneducated family. And I'm not the stereotypical pervert portrayed in movies and films. I'm a well educated man, and intelligent enough to have pulled myself through a few years of college to make a living. But at that time I was a mess. I broke all the boundaries and crossed every line of morality to indulge myself in anything my flesh seen fitting for the moment. And I paid a dear price for it. I have been labeled as the offscouring of all that is good, and am in the eye’s of the general public, nothing more than worthless dung. I was sent to Prison. I am labeled on the net for all eyes to see and know. My neighbors will not so much as make eye contact with me. I have lost all my friends, and even some of my family have disowned me. I am reminded on a daily basis of the sins that I have committed. But God has taught me much. And through all wrongs, if we trust in him fully, he makes it right. He uses evil deeds for good. For somehow he has brought me to a much deeper understanding of where I was and why. Exactly how I got to that point and what it was that I would do to get myself there. I know much now about cognitive distortions, justifiers, generational curses, the human will, the flesh, the devil, and forgiveness. Especially the ability to forgive yourself, which was the hardest battle I have ever had to face. God has set me in a position to attain a wealth of knowledge through such programs as “Living Waters” and “Salt” if you are familiar with these, along with state appointed professional psychological counseling from trained experts in sexual deviancy. And I have now been given the opportunity to help stop others who may be going down the same path I did before more innocence in the world is victimized. And the deeper I go, and the more people I talk to, the more it occurs to me just how many people have been slowly being led down similar paths. With the explosion of internet porn within the privacy of the home along with every other kind of immoral freedom we seem to have more of these days, it is clear to me that this disease is beginning to spread like wildfire. But I am here as a witness that God has not forgotten mankind. He is still making a way and setting apart those who will expose the tactics of the enemy and help to close the mouths of lions and ravenous wolves. Ravenous wolves of which I myself was once a part of. But by the grace of God he has seen it fitting to sift me out from among them and set me on a much different course. And who am I to resist? For that is the very least I can do if not sacrifice my very life to repay the debt I feel I owe. And yet that alone would not be enough. I owe him much more than I can possibly pay.