What kind of legacy will you leave for your children? When your child is all grown up, what will they say about you? I am thankful that my mom took the time to enjoy me, to hold me, rock me, and cuddle me without fear of what others thought. She looked upon her babies as gifts, not burdens. Because of her style of parenting that she passed down to me, I was able to follow my instincts and am raising my children by these same standards of gentleness, but not every child is as fortunate as my children and me.

It seems as if the old system of parenting is still alive in today’s society. Some people still advocate cry-it-out methods, strict scheduled feedings, and early weaning for babies, or just plain-out bottlefeeding. It’s hard for me to see why these practices of rigidness and rules are so popular for raising babies, but then I started doing some thinking. You know, following any of these methods is taking the easy way out. Physically and emotionally detaching yourself from your baby rids you of so much "hassle" and responsibility.

Should you train your baby to sleep through the night by 8 weeks of age? Should you restrict your baby from sleeping in bed with you? Should you let your baby’s screams go unanswered so you won’t “spoil” her? Should you schedule strict 4-hour feedings for your baby? Are children gifts from the Lord or burdens to bear? Here are some thoughts on legalistic parenting:

Who wants to be bothered with middle-of-the-night feedings? I sure don’t like being interrupted from a deep sleep. After a long day of mothering, it would be so rewarding to close my door for 8 hours and have my own needs met without the distraction of a baby's cries in the night.

Who wants to be pestered by sharing your bed with a squirming infant? I don’t know about you, but it would probably be pretty nice to have a big bed all to my husband and myself again. Just think about all the quiet, romantic nights we could have in solitude if we chose to ignore our baby’s needs.

Who wants to be strapped down with breastfeeding? If I bottlefed my baby, I could have the convenience of farming my child out to anyone for any length of time and I wouldn’t have to worry about pumping or becoming engorged. I could leave for any length of time and not have to breastfeed a hungry baby. The bottle will always be there, but I wouldn’t have to be. Breastfeeding the way God intended is time-consuming, challenging, and very inconvenient. Should I choose to let that fit into my lifestyle?

Who wants to be interrupted with a baby who wants to nurse every hour or two? It would be so much easier to put my baby on a strict schedule so I will know that I don’t have to feed my baby for another four hours. I can go about doing my daily chores and not be bogged down with a needy baby. Think of the convenience!

Who wants to be annoyed by a baby who wants only their mommy and no one else? It would be so much easier if I didn’t comfort and nurture my baby when she cried. That way my baby can be comforted and nurtured by any caregiver.

It is true that some mothers just don’t know the first thing about parenting and therefore welcome advice from anyone, but I believe the reason most mothers follow this way of parenting is out of personal convenience and selfishness. They’re using a style that should be called the “It’s all about me” type of parenting. God made infants to cry for many reasons, but not to be ignored. If need be, mothers should sacrifice their personal comfort in order to comfort their child.

I can’t imagine anyone saying, “Boy, I’m so thankful that Mom had me on that rigid, cry-it-out program when I was a newborn.” Or, “Thank goodness I was sleeping through the night by the time I was 8 weeks old. I can’t imagine what life would be like now if I got to cuddle with Mom at night those first few months.”

Are you the type of parent that comforts yourself or comforts your children? I have chosen to raise my two sons and three daughters with a serving and compassionate heart, not one of legalism, punishment and rules. Children are the most innocent of God’s creations. If we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, how can we ignore that commandment when it comes to raising our children? We, as mothers, need to use patience and humility rather than sternness and chastisement. Why? The Bible tells us so! Colossians 3:12 says, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Our Father in Heaven takes on a servant’s heart towards His children. Let us do the same for our children.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and right now is our time to put our children first.

Ecclesiastes 3:14 says, “I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.” If we make mistakes, we won’t be able to go back and undo what’s been done. Make the best of your baby’s time today because next year your baby will be in a different season. The time goes by so fast! When you look back at the time you have together right now, will you remember with a happy heart or with regrets and shame?

Now, I'm not promoting a child-centeredness that tears apart the husband-wife union. A husband and wife's relationship is of vital importance in the marriage. To focus so much on our children that we ignore our spouses's needs can cause a mountain-load of problems. I believe in healthy routines, manners, and chores for children who are ready and able to do these things. So the key here is not to ignore our baby's needs, but not to go to the other extreme and allow complete tolerance of our older toddler's every whim. There must be a happy medium with loving discipline involved by the parents.

I am so blessed to have a mother that sacrificed the simple pleasures in her life to let me be the baby I was but to teach me as I grew that I had responsibilities to keep up with. I know that my mom doesn’t regret one single minute of the security and gentleness she showed me. The legacy you leave with your children will be passed down from generation to generation. Show them how much they mean to you by cherishing them and nurturing them now, whether it be in the times you spend cuddling your baby, teaching your toddler how to pick up after his toys, or simply in giving them that extra smile of encouragement they need. The Lord will bless you for your efforts!

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Parenting articlefrom Couple to Couple League about the negative effects of strict schedules and legalistic parenting.

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