You know you're an old cowpoke when bandits start chasing you because you have silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, stones in your kidneys, lead in your feet and gas in your stomach.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you lay your guns down and can't remember where you left them.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your best friends names are Charlie Horse, Arthur Ritis, Ben Gay and John.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you start thinking more of the hereafter because wherever you are you ask yourself "what am I here after?"

You know you're an old cowpoke when the gleam in your eye is just the sun reflecting off your bifocals.

You know you're an old cowpoke when every time you think of exercise, you lay down until the thought passes.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you thank God that wrinkles don't hurt.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you join a health club and don't go.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you look forward to a dull evening.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you stop looking forward to your next birthday.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your Wheaties turn to mush because you can't get the spoon to your mouth in time.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You know you're an old cowpoke when the best part of your day is over when the alarm goes off.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your back goes out more than you do.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you have too much room in your house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your teeth get a better bath than you do.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your doctor assigns you a permanent parking place at this office.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you realize how "little" you have done is so much time, and how "much" you have to do in so little time.

You know you're an old cowpoke when everything hurts and what don't hurt, don't work.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you can't lose weight and realize that by now your body and fat are really good friends.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you can't get your rocker going.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you realize that you're older today than you've ever been before, and you're younger than you'll ever be again.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you realize all your wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you decide that if God had wanted you to touch your toes, He would have put them on your knees.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you realize the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

You know you're an old cowpoke when your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You know you're an old cowpoke because you have seen it all, done it all and can't remember most of it.

You know you're an old cowpoke because every name in your little black book ends in M.D.

You know you're an old cowpoke because you get winded playing chess.

You know you're an old cowpoke when you are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 90 around the golf course.

If you have any thoughts on growing older and would
like to see them added to the list, just email me at
boen@koyote.com

Also, be sure to check out
Granny's Musical Tribute to Aging